Lea

Her name, her face popped up in my facebook’s suggestion of who I should be friends with yesterday. I looked closer. Yes, it was her. She was the very first who broke my heart. She was the first who thought me how painful love can be. She was the first from whom I’ve learned how it felt to be cheated on. Because of her, I dealt with love with boldness. Because of her, I learned how to be a master of my emotion. I was thirteen then. I was so young and so vulnerable. Ours was a relationship that had pride as core ingredient. It was very shaky. It did not last. I didn’t expect it to last anyway. We were in an environment where such relationship is not allowed.

I am thankful for the lesson. I will always remember her with bitter-sweet memories. I didn’t know if I loved her that much. All I remember were those moments I stare unconsciously and blankly at nothing while thinking of the pain she was bringing me at that time. I remembered my attention being called by my helping sister in front of the dining table because I didn’t realize I wasn’t eating but thinking of her and the letter from her that I just read. I remember the time I was sick in the clinic and told me a story about that girl–Nelsie–that she met at the corridor of Building 1. Right then, I knew. Anyway, all those was over. I found a better love when I was in fourth year. I was able to handle it better. It didn’t last, too, because of circumstances we both don’t have control of but I will always remember her with fondness and love.

Facebook has been bringing all my past together. I sent her a request.